The Uncertainty of Tomorrow

(Housekeeping items at the end, please read!)

This week marks the start of something I’ve been looking forward to for a very long time: my first orthopedic surgery for my knee after my devastating injury last September.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with my story or just want a quick recap, here is a short video of me explaining what I’ve been dealing with.

Ok, back to today — June 29th, 2025. I am less than 24 hours away from something I’ve dreamed about since they removed four 12-inch rods from my femur and tibia back in October.

When I was put in an external fixator during my initial surgery, I was dealt a hell of a catch-22. These devices are insanely painful and limiting, the latter being the point. The reason they put me in one was to protect my bypass graft. If I were to simply bend my knee during the first five weeks of the newly placed graft, it could ruin the entire process and potentially lead to amputation.

So, we are all in agreement that the fixator was necessary, right? However, when you don’t bend your knee for five weeks, what do you think happens? Your knee gets stuck.

When they finally removed the device, my knee range of motion (ROM) was a mere 10 degrees compared to a smooth 140 degrees on my other leg. We are talking industrial-grade concrete stiffness. Having a knee that only bends 10 degrees is problematic for a lot of reasons.

Remember the catch-22? Here is the backend: in order for me to have knee surgery and repair all the tendons and ligaments, I have to have at least 90 degrees of knee flexion.

In a normal world, when you have knee stiffness, there are a couple of viable options. Typically, after a knee replacement or standard arthrofibrosis (scar tissue buildup in a joint), you can have the scar tissue arthroscopically removed or you do what is called a MUA.

Considering the fact that I live and have dated extensively in LA, I thought this literally stood for Make Up Artist.

MUA in the medical world is a Manipulation Under Anesthesia. Basically, they put you under and crack your knee like Bane did Batman’s back in The Dark Knight Rises.

Sadly, my spirit and my body have been broken at various points early in my recovery. Nowadays, like Batman, I am finding ways to make it out of that underground prison. And we are getting closer with each passing day.

Now, remember I said “normal world” before. My world is no longer normal, and my doctors would agree. I have seen over 30 doctors or specialists at this point. Several of them have been in orthopedics. I have been affectionately called the “group science project” by my entire PT department.

The answer from most was to just go to physical therapy and essentially let them crank on my knee to restore ROM naturally (and painfully). From November 2024 to early June 2025, twice a week, I would show up to have my PTs literally grinding out ROM degree by degree.

This process has been excruciating, but fruitful. I have been able to go from 10 to 75 degrees, a medical miracle by some doctors’ standards, especially considering one doctor looked my mom and me dead in the eyes and said I was stuck at 55 degrees.

As Hall & Oates famously sang, I Can’t Go For That, and I told him that. I have kept pushing my body to the limits to this very day.

Recently, I have hit a plateau. I have been hanging out in the 70-degree range for a few weeks now. That means it is time to consider alternative methods.

So if you are keeping score, we have:
• A necessary external fixator which resulted in severely limited knee ROM
• At least 80 degrees of increased ROM before I would be eligible for knee surgery
• A group of doctors too nervous to perform a knee manipulation

All but one doctor were too hesitant to attempt this manipulation because of the sheer damage inside my knee already. The last man standing and the only one bold enough to take this leap of faith with me has a surgical date tomorrow, June 30 at 1 p.m. PST.

Am I nervous? A little bit. Surely all the other doctors are not crazy for having their reservations. However, I have come to find out that their approaches are based on their schooling and the data they have seen in studies.

An injury of this complexity was not in their textbooks or published in any journal out there. So, how can we blame them for being afraid to touch something they have not been able to conceptually grasp through years of training and practice?

I cannot, so I do not.

However, tomorrow is extremely important for a multitude of reasons. It highlights the importance of getting a second, and in my case seventh, opinion on my rare medical circumstances. If I can show up every day and push my body past its limits, why not find a doctor who aligns with my drive to help me get better?

In life, it is about having the right people in your car for the road trip. No shade to the doctors who said “not for me” on this trip. I have affectionately referred to them as the MapQuest Passengers because their approaches, while effective in reaching a destination, do not account for the advances in technology and thinking.

The most impactful doctors, therapists, nurses, and practitioners in this entire process have been labeled the CarPlay Docs because they are not only forward-thinking but share my optimism and resilience toward the end goal.

So with all this in mind, there is a better version of me on the other side of this surgery tomorrow. It is okay to be nervous, and I am allowing myself to feel that. However, I am not going to be a hypocrite and not take my own advice.

I tell you all and my clients to “double check your parachutes and jump” from time to time.

Tomorrow, I am doing just that. Taking a leap of faith with the right people here to guide me safely to the end destination. I encourage you to do the same with whatever dream you have been putting off. Even the scary and uncertain ones.

Your road trip destination is not crazy. You just need to make sure you have the right people along for the ride who want to support you and win with you. There is a reason CarPlay is the dominant force in vehicle navigation.

Reflection and What’s Next

This surgery is not just another procedure. It is the breakthrough my knee needs to move past the scar tissue and stiffness holding me back. It will not be easy, and the road ahead will still demand patience and resilience.

But after everything I have faced, I am confident this leap of faith with the right team will bring me closer to reclaiming the knee and life I am fighting for.

If there is one lesson I have learned, it is that breakthroughs come when you step into the unknown despite fear, not from playing it safe.

So tomorrow, while I am nervous, I am ready. Ready to trust the process and keep showing up every day.

Whatever your own catch-22 is, remember the only way forward is through. Surround yourself with those who believe in your journey and take that leap when the time is right.

Sometimes the biggest risks lead to the greatest breakthroughs. See y’all next Sunday. Best believe there will be a full-flexion knee pic!

-CE

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